@TravLeBlanc: "Sensitive" guys who only retweet chicks, you're not fooling anyone.
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@Goldishocks: Just told my kids they had to share. Now they are dressed in long blacks wigs singing if I could turn back time.
@MUMSIEesq: My husband went camping w/ his buddies. He packed a hatchet, 2 liters of Jack & a 3yo's Hello Kitty sleeping bag. He's gonna die out there.
@ComedicBust: Sometimes I'll casually say "what else do you want?" on the phone, so the pizza guy thinks I'm ordering for more than just me.