@ramenfuneral: sent someone a text that said "you need medieval catheter" when i actually meant "medical attention" and i didn't bother correcting myself
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@Neauxpe: The last time I wore a red shirt, I went to Target and laid off 8 people in the morning team huddle.
@ItsAndyRyan: Noah in a pet shop "Two of every animal please" "Want any unusual examples?" "No, just arky-types"
@jasonlight73: I like to cover my tracks by ending all my Google searches with the word "hypothetically"
@MourningGlory_: Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail. JK It was me.