@ramenfuneral: sent someone a text that said "you need medieval catheter" when i actually meant "medical attention" and i didn't bother correcting myself
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@BonaFideIntent: Keep your friends close & your enemies, in your trunk. Unless you're crossing a border. Then don't do that.
@Scdavis24: Alcohol doesn't make you fat... it makes you Lean... on tables, chairs & random ugly people...or sometimes floors
@J0hnnyBlaze: If she didn't reply to any of your 20 texts, she probably doesn't have good cell service. Definitely don't stop texting her