@NicestHippo: [serial killers talking] Anyway I stood there for like 10 minutes, but she never wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror so I just left
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@MichaelJTiberi: Why is everyone bragging about how great it is to have kids? I slept till noon today, and the only person who threw up last night was me.
@jonnysun: on earth: a magiciam puts his hand in his hat in the rabbit realm: The Hand emerges. it is time. the rabit council must chose a sacrifice
@TheAlexNevil: 5: Daddy, can we go get ice cream? Me: I don't see why not. 5: Mommy said I couldn't. M: Hey, there's the why not.
@jwoodham: What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.