@NicestHippo: [serial killers talking] Anyway I stood there for like 10 minutes, but she never wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror so I just left
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@Ghetto_Trophy: I will punch you in the face. OK not really - but I will roll my eyes at you, hard.
@NotARatsAss: Tried to make a video seductively licking the frosting from an Oreo, but got excited and ate the whole thing. Twenty times.
@Mr_Kapowski: Hispanic magician: "I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos" *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres
@toujours_fab: My husband said he needs to have sex and now he is mad at me. Apparently, asking 'with each other' was the wrong response.