@Carmensadie: Seriously guys, people drive like shit when I'm tweeting
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@SciencePorn: The best thing about the Pluto image from NASA is the silhouette of Pluto the dog right on it.
@squirrel74wkgn: Me (answers phone): HELL-o Mom: Hi, honey. Your Dad is trying to change the time on the VCR you bought us in 83 Me: Please leave a message
@juliussharpe: People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
@rad_milk: i always get gatorade and gasoline confused. my car is real good at sports and im dead