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@Carmensadie: Seriously guys, people drive like shit when I'm tweeting
@afairiesweetear: the most challenging thing I've done all week is explain to a 4 year old where he was in photos taken 7 years ago
@MalkyDungeon: My Twitter bio was too long so I'm putting it here
@DRUNKdadding: I'm pretty sure our nanny's grandmother has died like seven times now......
@rmfnord: The worst part about crapping my pants at work was having to set the ACCIDENT FREE sign back to zero days in front of everybody.
@AngelaEhh: When people say 'oh, you're still single?'
I like to reply with 'wow, you're still married?'