@heatherjs: Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
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@david8hughes: Date: what do iguanas eat? Me: no idea, why? Date: you've got 5 of them Me: 2, those 3 are dead. I told you, I've no idea what they eat
@Tharin_P: I would be a bad fish. Fishermen would be like, "omg i'm so ugly" and I'd take the bait and disagree, instead of swimming away.
@mortimermaiden: Me: I need to go to the doctor but my car won't start. Mechanic: Did you try jumping it? Me: Of course, how did you think I broke my legs?