@Muath_tu: I named my house "shape", now I'm always in shape.
@kumailn: The director of "A Girl in the River" went to high school with me in Karachi! She won an Oscar! This is not gonna help w my parents. #Oscars
@archerenemy: Asking a redhead if you can see her pumpkin patch will get you slapped...
It's not important how I know that...
@bornmiserable: I want to be a Walmart greeter just so I can tell customers who come in "everyone enters, but not everyone leaves"
@iamch0pper: if you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "in jesus name amen"
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