@unibrowbeater: Shaved my girlfriend's cat. Think she'll take the hint?
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@InternetHippo: [back in school] professor: read just 3 pages tonight. i beg you me: no [now] me: i’m gonna read 18 books for fun
@UnicornSyrup: My teacher always hated my answers to her math questions. "If I have 6 candy bars in one hand and 7 in the other, what do I have?" Diabetes?
@jonnysun: 5 lil monkeys jumping on the bed one fell off & bumped his head called the doctor & the doctor said U DO NOT HAVE A PERMIT FOR THESE ANIMALS