@Holy_Mowgli: [shaving legs] hang on, these aren't mine
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@ThisLocalHater: [Therapist’s office] Husband: She takes everything, literally T: What do you mean? *Me walking out the door w/ the floor lamp I'm stealing*
@WheelTod: I saw the best minds of my generation rattling in pickle jars in formaldehyde as the cops beat down the door into my basement.
@rickolantern: Luke is so old now he just uses the Force to keep the neighborhood kids off his lawn