@Holy_Mowgli: [shaving legs] hang on, these aren't mine
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@LurkAtHomeMom: I start each day with a green smoothie. Wait, no, the bartender's saying it's called a "Mojito."
@kcmoore51: 13: I have a friend that doesn't like baseball, chocolate, or bacon. Me: Pretty sure that's not a friend, bro.
@awordforaword: I finally got my first interview since moving to the US. Almost able to say something more romantic to the GF than "you're out of batteries"
@BromanConsul: the devil has a tape recorder containing the sounds you made when you sang aloud with a group but didn't actually know the words