@sammyrhodes: Shaving your beard is a great way to remember what you looked like when you were 5.
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@THEDUTHCHESS: Day 1 of being kidnapped. Kidnappers are now offering my husband a ransom to take me back. Husband is asking for more money.
@AGreaterMonster: In first grade I pretended I could talk to animals because I thought kids would like me, but then a squirrel attacked Lisa Shapiro.
@david8hughes: The first fireman to get called to rescue a cat in a tree must have had the hose wrestled from him before someone told him to get a ladder.