@tabsickle: She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Charlie Sheen's herpes have herpes and those herpes have gonorrhea and that gonorrhea had an abortion in high school.
@mattytalks: I booked a suite at a 5 star hotel and when my girlfriend arrived,on the bed spelled out in rose petals was "be right out,I'm taking a shit"
@LuckyToken1: Five second rule? Pfft. What's the point of having an immune system if you're not going to use it?
@3sunzzz: Me: Did you finish the banana bread? 16: yep Me: Great, because it was actually a healthy zucchini bread. 16: THIS HOUSE IS FULL OF LIES!