@IGotsSmarts: She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically.
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@texasstalkermom: How many beer trucks can you "accidentally" run into before your insurance company becomes suspicious?
@LuckoftheDraw86: Either I just stepped in dog shit or the stench of my parent's disappointment has started following me around.
@Storminika: Every time Nicki Minaj tells someone their voice isn't good enough on Idols, someone is crushed to death by the weight of the irony.
@EdgarAllanLo: [Wendy and the Burger King having sex] King: You like this? Wendy: I'm loving it! *the Burger King stops* King: What did you just say?