@DurtMcHurtt: She can't leave if you're wearing all of her clothes.
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@brianbowman73: Beats by Dre is such a huge success that I think he should start a sunglasses line. 50 Shades of Dre.
@ChickenFrecklez: Hubby is trying to get it up...There we go...Ok now it won't go down-oh there it goes...Shit, now it's going back up! Garage door is broken
@zachraffio: They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.
@E_lok44: Me: What kind of stupid phone you got there? Him: Windows phone Me: Oh [takes it and lobs it out the window] Yes it is