@SpicyGinger69: She ran her fingers through my hair and pulled hard. I wanted to ask her to do it harder - but probably inappropriate for the hair salon.
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@sarcasm_inc: "2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN'T HAVE FITTING ROOMS," I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle.
@robdelaney: Shouldn't there have been ONE scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel's mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man's shed?"
@BberrySurprise: "I do not negotiate with terrorists!" said me, everyday, multiple times a day, to my children.
@chrisanna4real: My signature move is being a complete idiot trying to convince someone that I'm not drink. Drank. Drunk.