@forcemajeure40: She said she was a free spirit. That's good. Wasn't sure how I'd pay for a spirit.
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@NoTheOtherJohn: [lifts $1000 apple watch to my face] Wrist computer: show me where hot dogs are.
@robfee: House Hunters: "We want a slide, cheeseburgers, a clown." Realtor: Are you describing McDonalds? "haha no" *3 kids tumble out of trenchcoat*
@Mikecanrant: So carrying a "wet floor" sign and putting it down immediately after using your best pickup line on a woman is frowned upon Dating is hard.
@Matt_The_1st: "What's wrong with our country?" OBAMA! "Who are we going to reelect in 2012?" OBAMA!