@PoguePhilosophy: I just bought some land with a stranger and now we have a lot in common.
@shawnspree: It's not sex until you walk away with a nose bleed, and the Eye Of The Tiger song is still playing in your head.
@Faux_Ma: At my job interview today the Boss said,
"You're shaking, don't be so nervous."
So I told him, "Oh, I'm not nervous, I'm an alcoholic."
@P_o_n_k: FRIEND: Is something wrong?
ME: Listen...[trying to sweeten the blow]...I think we should put sugar in this cocaine
@Donnie_Fairburn: DNA doesn't make you a parent. Stepping on a lego guy on your way to the bathroom at 3 am does
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