@imdaintyaf: Shipwreck diary, Day 32,567: So, turns out I'm immortal.
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@GrantTanaka: During the bank robbery, I was the one who heroically soiled himself & cried in order to incapacitate the robbers with laughter
@AlexvanBeek: You should feel pretty honoured if I subtweet you. But the tweet you think is about you, probably isn't. Twitter's hard. Get a helmet.
@Home_Halfway: Charles Barkley sounds like a made-up name a dog would think of to get into a fancy country club.