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@imdaintyaf: Shipwreck diary, Day 32,567: So, turns out I'm immortal.
@hell_homer: btw I learned this tonight: DO NOT image search "scrotum" because people only post pictures using a medical name if there's something wrong
@LindaInDisguise: Me: Help! i need my stomach pumped.
911 Operator: Did you ingest poison, ma'am?
Me: No. Pizza.
@SteveKoehler22: Our credit card was stolen but
I decided not to report it ....
The thief is spending less
than my wife did.
@FreudsTwin: I'm so antisocial, i won't even meet my potential.