@boring_as_heck: Shit. Damn it. A bumper sticker just changed my entire worldview, again. This happens like 3 times a day.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [at Doctor's office] "When's the last time you had sex?" Last night. "With a male or female?" Oh...with another person?
@MissNaughty1801: Neighbour: if your son doesn't stop playing drums right now I'll lose my mind!! Me: too late...he's stopped half an hour ago
@heyevergreen: Wrong hole. Wrong hole. Wrong hole. Wrong hole. -trying to put on my distressed denim jeans