@curlymalloy: Shit, I just wasted a good corn dog, by eating It with no guys around.
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@kaytaa: Sometimes I ask my husband to put away the clean dishes so I can play kitchen scavenger hunt next time I need something.
@underchilde: [Bank robber]: “Time to make a hasty escape.” *Passes a store window full of kittens* *Stands there for six hours*
@hippieswordfish: HEAD OF THE NATIONAL WEATHER SEVICE: so how will we name all these hurricanes? GARY, WHOS BEEN DIVORCED 31 TIMES: i have an idea