@curlymalloy: Shit, I just wasted a good corn dog, by eating It with no guys around.
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@KeetPotato: [tour of zoo] kid: "i think its a elephant" me: "are you giving the tour" kid: me: "anyway as i was saying this is the big snake face thing"
@causticbob: I hate it when people say "Oh, I'm a vegetarian except for fish". Yeah? And I'm a non-smoker except for cigarettes. #WorldVeganDay
@pauldame: Man: "If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?" Priest: "No, not if you did not know." Man: "Then why did you tell me?"