@samalmightysam: Shockingly Pitbull's first name isn't Feat.
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@MsBross: Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children. Adults tend to get offended.
@TeejayRush: Marijuana is not a gateway drug... I have never been smoking weed and thought, "I know what this needs! Meth!..."
@Home_Halfway: The secret to making a good egg is the way you ap-poach it. *a man in the audience has a stroke and dies from being so angry at this joke*
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Don't forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else's house and telling everyone it's yours, then closing the post office.