@Ndeshi_M: Should I ever become president everyone who uses the word “bae” will be sterilized.
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@mommy_cusses: Instructor: Welcome to our Summer with Kids Preparedness class. Our first lesson is how to apply sunscreen. Everyone grab an angry raccoon.
@BobTheSuit: I have a picture of Leonard Nimoy holding a kitten. I call it Spock and Aww. Thank you. Goodnight, everybody.
@djdarrellripley: Him: Hey, you really think that doing all those shots are going to make you forget that you got fired? Me: I got fired?
@chickenmclovin: Twilight drinking game rules: 1) drink 40 shots when you press play so you can die before the movie starts.