@MichaelGoffLA: Shouldn't elevators have a different name for the trip back down?
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@fatherofcomedy: I don't like doing the same things again so much that I can never be a serial killer.
@david8hughes: [cops knock on my door] "Sir?" "Nobody's home." "Who said that then?" "My dog." "Jesus Christ, well do u know when Mr Hughes will be back?"
@LoveNLunchmeat: *puts on Rocky theme music* *cracks neck* *cracks knuckles* *stretches* *jogs in place* *picks up phone to call mom*
@heatherlou_: I tell my child, "10 minutes till bed!" She hears me say, "Go put on a Halloween costume." Why?