@joshgondelman: Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
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@mrtruthandsoul: Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let's do it. Let's crash headfirst into this guy going 80 mph's windshield.
@Brianhopecomedy: My Mom asked me to help her sign up to Twitter so I did and she's really enjoying Google Plus.
@LosLos__: •phone call• Wife: Want a free couch? Me: Free? Yes! Wife: How do we pick it up? Me: Lift with your legs, not your back. Wife: *click*
@iGreenMonk: Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.