@timdonakowski: Shout out to politicians for keeping the word "folks" alive.
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@LipLush1: 911: what's your emergency? me: I taught my Dad how to text 911: the problem ma'am? me: he CALLS to say "yeah, got ur text"
@TheTweetOfGod: Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But why are you walking around giving men fish? That's weird, dude.
@seamussaid: Son: can I go? Dad: storm coming, tornado warnings Son: yeah I know Dad: wait for your brother to get home, he can continue the bloodline