@timdonakowski: Shout out to politicians for keeping the word "folks" alive.
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@The_Grant_Boldt: *at Starbucks* "Ya I'll have the medium roast please" *Barista insults him a lot but not too much*
@MommaUnfiltered: My daughter asked me if I know how to do the Running Man, like my generation didn't invent it. Anyway, that's what brings me to the ER.
@Brampersandon_: PREACHER: any prayer requests? 3 DUCKS IN A TRENCHCOAT (from the last pew): do the one about our daily bread
@SortaBad: "Brian did you remove some of the thread from your shirt logo?" Me: [clearly enjoying people calling me the Hug Boss] what? No probably not