@timdonakowski: Shout out to politicians for keeping the word "folks" alive.
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@AnOrangeSNES: HER: My daughter is named Nevaeh which is heaven spelled backwards. ME: *Phone rings* Hold on my son Elohssa is calling
@AndyAsAdjective: Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" SO I'M GONNA BRING IT! *brings lunch to work*
@DuaneABarrett: Just overheard someone say, "I wish I had a Kindle that never ran out of batteries." You know. Like a book.
@Playing_Dad: Boss: We're having a meeting at noon for future managers Me: Will there be lunch? Boss: No Me: I don't want to be a manager that bad