@BBQJones28: Shout out to the dude who's followed and unfollowed approximately 25632 times this week.
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@theevilwriter: The local news says we can tell there's been a power failure with their new app. Call me old fashioned but the lack of lights tips me off.
@Tommytoughstuff: "DOUG YOU'RE THE NEXT CONTESTANT ON THE PRICE IS RIGHT!" [camera pans to me struggling with Doug for his name tag]
@TravLeBlanc: Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason.