@KenJennings: Shout out to whoever invented Braille! Maybe nobody remembers your name but you came up with a pretty dope way for blind people to read
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@krisv_723: *Sees a bum eating out of the trash* That’s so disgusting. I don’t know how they do that. *pulls turkey leg out of my hair & takes a bite*
@timdonakowski: Starting a new job today. I’m not sure what company, but it’s wherever this lady with the giant box of donuts is going.
@truegritrumble: ME:John's coming over for dinner. WIFE:Work John or Been to Europe John? JOHN:*from outside* This door reminds me of one I saw in England.