@GrantTanaka: Shoutout to the wife for stacking her shampoo bottles in the shower like she's on her last 3 turns on Jenga.
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@jjhartinger: hubs: why the makeup? me: we're cooking dinner together. him: and... me: and, I want to look nice when the police arrive.
@SortaBad: Manny Pacquiao says he would accept a rematch with Floyd Mayweather. "Yes, I will allow you to pay me another $100 million," he told sources
@cepheusjackson: SON: *first word* momma. MOM: DID YOU HEAR THAT? ME: *distracted by the faint song of an ice cream truck* He never comes down our street.
@KKAlThani: I bet when Cheetahs race & one of them cheats, the other one goes like "Man, you're such a Cheetah!" & they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.