@GrantTanaka: Shoutout to the wife for stacking her shampoo bottles in the shower like she's on her last 3 turns on Jenga.
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@SirEvisiae: *pretends to throw ball* *dog runs to chase it* Ha, stupid dog. *dog keeps running, disappears over horizon* Um *dog tackles me from behind*
@jdforshort: College guy: How do you like it? Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt ~Get outta the gutter pervs
@P0tterhead_394: My favorite pickup line is when a guy just slides an order of mozzarella sticks towards me.
@SortaBad: *panics during bank robbery* "Uhhhh hi yeah I'd like to put this gun in my safety deposit box"