@rolldiggity: Sick of all these Santa apologists. A HOME INVASION IS A HOME INVASION.
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@BatBatshitcrazy: I was going to pay my mortgage this month, but I was asked to bring guacamole to the family potluck.
@KentWGraham: How can my wife's hands not open a jar of pickles in the day, but become superhuman vice-grips at night when I want some covers?
@Parkerlawyer: I pan fried chicken tonight. On another completely unrelated note: the firemen in my town are gorgeoussssss.
@tarashoe: this month's full moon is in virgo. you know what that means: you shouldn't be friends with me because i will tell you shit like this