@stonedcoldlazy: Since Canada isn't making the penny anymore-did the price of a thought just go up to a nickel?
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@truegritrumble: (First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No.
@proEXgirlfriend: Telling people to ban same sex marriage cuz of your religion is like telling the supermarket to stop selling junk food cuz you're on a diet.
@weinerdog4life: One time my dad caught me doing homework and made me eat an entire pack of calculators