@10InchesPlus: Since instagram is down I'm not sure if there was a sunrise today or if anyone ate any food? I feel lost.
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@dafloydsta: [getting a checkup] DOCTOR: On average, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: *sweating* NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE ANY MATH
@megbada: I absolutely recommend falling in love with your twitter crush and traveling about 3612 miles to boink them.
@goldengateblond: "We had unprotected sex. Give us a present." -- the subtext of every baby shower