@aimlessamers: Since it's hunting season, we are allowed to shoot the cars with the antlers on them, right?
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@Juicedballs: When Granpa revealed an exit wound scar from WWII it gave me strength to show him the owie owie bruise I suffered closing a faulty pizza box
@ComedyCentral: "If anyone has any reason Kim & Kanye should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace." -Taylor Swift's moment of revenge
@ImaFlyontheWall: Receptionist: So you're here about your carpal tunnel huh..fill out these 20 forms and press hard so the copies are clear
@BuckyIsotope: [wakes up from coma I went into in 1908] so how many more World Series titles have the Cubs won?