@aimlessamers: Since it's hunting season, we are allowed to shoot the cars with the antlers on them, right?
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@One_FineMess: If two people love each other nothing is impossible... Except deciding where to eat.
@maddyalou: Son: Will you please just try to act normal today? Me: You're going to have to be more specific.
@hippieswordfish: it's easy as pie! 'what does that even mean?' *pie stumbles in drunk* pie: i just had sex with the homeless guy under the bridge 'oh'
@pinupteacher: Two praying mantis' sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I Oh shit, did you see that? Daaaamn. She straight up ate him.