@alexwyse: Since it's impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I've decided to have an ongoing crisis.
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@LilFlaOrange30: That moment when you're driving and tweeting and you look up and notice you're in the Atlantic Ocean.
@wheelswordsmith: australia really needs to invent a shazam for spiders so i can tell if this thing on the wall is a daddy longlegs or a bitey deathmaker 3000
@Caissie: A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who crunch their disposable water bottles as they drink.
@HeyZeus666: With so many unhappy married couples and a 50% divorce rate, I think it's pretty obvious that Americans don't breed well in captivity.