@PimpBillClinton: Siri, does this look infected?
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@Brentweets: "Do you need help with your math homework Billy?" "Yeah I sure do Dad!" "Well you're shit out of luck"
@philEfanaddict: The first thing they teach you in AA is to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [Budapest airport] IMMIGRATION: So what is your purpose for visiting Hungary? ME: [holding huge bag of marbles] I wanna see the hippoes.
@carlyken: Reporter: so what is it like being in Maroon 5 when you're not Adam Levine, um Mr. Uh- *quickly googles for his name but google has no idea*