@PimpBillClinton: Siri, does this look infected?
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@Heather2Go: Ironman is my favorite story about how sleep deprivation can make you a sarcastic, neurotic superhero without being a parent.
@pinningnut: N: Why are you picking up rocks? M: I'm starting a rock band. Neighbor walks away. That is how you get people to leave you alone.
@Freeman4all33: It was so cold UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii
@UncleDuke1969: Oh boy, I am desperate! My bowels do churn. Too many tacos! I never will learn. Pardon me, Sir! I believe it's my turn. - Horton Has to Poo