@shatterpants: Sitting in traffic wishing I had a Sasquatch to lean out of the passenger window and make police car noises.
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@Bagyants: Power Rangers taught me that the way to solve a problem is to pose in front of it aggressively until it explodes
@numbertze: If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes
@KeetPotato: me: "why was she called the little mermaid, she was 5ft7?" therapist: "i meant anything bothering you about your marriage keith"
@weinerdog4life: Watched Avatar again and long story short, can you untie my ponytail from this horse?