@shatterpants: Sitting in traffic wishing I had a Sasquatch to lean out of the passenger window and make police car noises.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: All of my best fantasies include a French maid. She cleans the house while I nap.
@dyldonot: Just back from my first rap battle. Complete disaster. I thought it was a nap battle and when the other guy saw my pajamas I was doomed.
@hipstermermaid: I just want a time machine so I can show up at the Salem witch trials with an iPad.
@juliussharpe: If a non-profit accidentally makes a profit they must be like, "Guys we totally suck at losing money."