@hayes_t_r: Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
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@RealPrincessKim: A couple approaches on the beach. He calls her "Allison." I write, "Marry me, Allison," in the sand and hide. And now we wait.
@Laser_Cat: All the girls I've ever kissed can agree on one thing. It's weird that I have a beak.
@davedittell: hey atheists: if God isn't real then who did I just give my credit card information to over the phone?
@tastefactory: [zombie apocalypse] *my girlfriend becomes zombie* More like zom-BAE! Haha hang on I have to tweet that. *is eaten right away*