@Brampersandon_: *slowly releases air from a balloon during your wedding vows*
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@Black__Elvis: I used to think my neighbors were racist but that thoughtful burning cross they put in my yard proved to be a great source of natural light.
@NickSchug: If you encounter a bear you should either play dead or be so vibrant that the bear is like "whatever this person seems exhausting."
@BeerBatterBeard: You'd think that the guy in charge of putting pepperoni on frozen pizzas would've been up for a performance review by now.