@Brampersandon_: *slowly releases air from a balloon during your wedding vows*
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@stargazer15_: I'm the kind of girl that will suck helium from a balloon and talk dirty to you in a Minnie Mouse voice. Really dirty.
@robfee: There’s no way the Ninja Turtles would have those ripped abs. You can’t do crunches with a shell attached to your back. Trust me I’ve tried.
@Mikecanrant: I just farted real loud and my car alarm went off. Some guy is stealing it but I wanted you guys to know about my fart. Be right back.
@jeff_ratfamily: A ladies magazine told me to compliment my wifes booty. So I told her I was glad it wasn't hairy. I need a place to stay