@shawnspree: Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and the world wants you to stop looking at your phone and drive.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bobsin: Manslaughter: I always used to read it as 'man's laughter'. Seems oddly appropriate for someone who's got away with murder...
@Sarcasticsapien: I'm done congratulating people for having babies. Parents have been getting praise for having sex incorrectly for way too long.
@TitansHomer: Me: what are we doing today Trainer: let work on your forearms. Me: but I only have 2 T: What?!? Me: *whispers* I only have 2?
@Mikecanrant: Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.