@shawnspree: Smile and the world smiles with you. Laugh and the world wants you to stop looking at your phone and drive.
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@OrigamiUndies: Walk up to the finest girl in the club and whisper, "excuse me, can I get at that outlet behind you hon?"
@QwertyJones3: Parenting styles often relax as you have more kids. For example my 1st born ate only all-natural, organic food. My 2nd eats broken glass.
@MarfSalvador: [Morgue] Cop: Sir, I know it's tough but we need you to ID the body Me looking at corpse: *takes deep breath* Are—are you over 21?