@blondediva11: Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
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@Reverend_Scott: [Shop class] Satan: Whatcha makin'? God: Trust. Man can use it to form lasting bonds and friendships. What you making? Satan: A bong.
@seamusmckracken: I’m going to give guided tours of my house, pointing out all the things I tried to fix.
@Jesssicle: Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone's house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"