@LuvPug: Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
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@freypalm: Her: You’re up to a pack a day now—you have to cut back. Me: [petting the alpha male of the wolf pack I just adopted] I can quit anytime.
@Darchstar007: Wife: every time we argue, you think you're right. Me: yes, because if I thought you were right, I wouldn't be arguing...
@SnizzleFrizzle: Dude on tv just said, "Where there's fat, there's flavor." He was talking about food, but I took it as a compliment.