@DaddyJew: Sneaking up on me from behind while I'm doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife
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@SardonicTart: I'm glad my office has this giant shredder because otherwise I don't know what I'd do with all this work.
@TheUnfitFather: My family wanted a Disney experience so I charged them $150 to stand in a line for three hours before taking our daughter to the bathroom.
@WilliamAder: Just in case the FBI turns on my web cam, I've got a teeny tiny picture of Jimmy Hoffa taped to the lens.