@DaddyJew: Sneaking up on me from behind while I'm doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife
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@jwoodham: Most people don't know this, but the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they lost their damn minds.
@WheelTod: Changing your mind can be a sign of strength. Like when I swear to tell the truth but then a prosecutor asks me a question & I decide not to
@Reverend_Scott: "I love the Fall, the trees are so pretty" It's fall?? "Ya, so what?" [leaves start attacking everyone] OMG THE LEAVES HAVE TURNED