@jlock17: So annoying how every time I go to sleep, my wife starts whispering into my ear "Go towards the light."
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@sarahkendzior: My mom registered to see me speak at an academic conference at Yale, and under "affiliation" on the form she wrote "Sarah's mom" 😂
@MrsRupertPupkin: You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, you can cry when the girl you used to babysit gets engaged before you do.
@hipstermermaid: I got 99 problems and they're all friend requests from people I didn't like in high school.