@NikiWithIssues: So apparently not every chubby guy with a mustache is named Mario. My bad, dad.
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@pinupteacher: ME: What tattoo should I get? TATTOO ARTIST: Something meaningful that represents love and connection. ME: One ravioli on my thigh please.
@amazymay72x: My 12yo son's protip: Buy larger sized clothes and you'll look like you lost weight. You're welcome.
@MartaEffing: Therapist: You need to focus on setting healthy boundaries. Me: *goes home* *puts broccoli around perimeter of donut box* *eats 12 donuts*