@chris_isloi: So apparently "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad!" isn't of much use when dealing with armed cops.
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@PurrrrrfectCat: If ignorance truly is bliss, my coworkers must be in a constant state of euphoria.
@SpencerLenox: A mattress will double in weight after six years, just like everything else I sleep with!
@Jake_Vig: Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Just think, there are people out there who don't get to read my tweets.
@fuqtarded: On the street or subway you can only imagine what that idiot is thinking. On Twitter, you get to see what that idiot is thinking.