@chris_isloi: So apparently "You can't tell me what to do, you're not my real dad!" isn't of much use when dealing with armed cops.
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@notalogin: People who say "go big or go home" seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. Like, it's literally my only goal for most of the day.
@briangaar: The cashier at the grocery store just gave me an "I'm cooler than you" look. Dude I will fight you with this baby strapped to me
@DulciePlaid: When I left for work this morning, the dog begged me to stay and the cat handed me my keys.