@DarkerWillow: So eBay takes 10% of your profits and Craig's List is 100% free, but with the chance of being murdered...such a dilemma
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@pleatedjeans: "Ostriches can't fly" said the totally racist stewardess who made me dismount my ostrich & board the plane on foot like a lowly commoner
@EndhooS: My wife says brushing my teeth when sitting on the toilet is disgusting but honestly this toilet brush is almost brand new
@lazerdoov: If I had to be in the military I'd probably pick sleeper cell agent cause I get tired a lot
@upsidedowntrash: Friend: Do you know karate? Me: [wanting to sound cool but not overly cocky] I've heard of him.