@DarkerWillow: So eBay takes 10% of your profits and Craig's List is 100% free, but with the chance of being murdered...such a dilemma
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@mattsurely: Me: What do you call sex in December? Wife: Don't say it. Me: ... W: ... Me: Wintercourse. W: (to judge) See this is why I need a divorce.
@ericacanrant: A scared look and a "let me go google that" is not what you want to hear from the gynecologist.
@MarlonBrandNO: Wife: Have you seen my stilettos? Me [6 inches taller and struggling to stand]: Uh *stumble* No
@TheIronSherk: Working front desk at Motel 6 wasn't paying the bills so I started dealing meth to the housekeepers. It was an Inn side job.