@carlyken: So far my toddler's most impressive defense mechanism is pooping his pants every time anyone rings our doorbell.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@woodmuffin: "For my next illusion" the magician announces: "Free will!" Everyone starts clapping but they don't know why
@TheNardvark: Just got my invitation to Lady Gaga's wedding reception. I can choose between beef or chicken. Not for the meal, that's the dress code.
@Thee1_4U: Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I've been one for 30 some years now.
@daemonic3: DOCTOR: I have some bad news. You have HIV ROMAN: What?! DOCTOR: Do you have any questions at this time? ROMAN: Yes, wtf is H4?