@garrettbarry70: So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don't taste any different.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [travels back in time to warn 12 year old me about playing video games too much] you become fat and lazy and-whoa Mortal Kombat 2 scoot over
@chelliet22: Maybe the reason you're not having *sexual intercourse* is because you call it sexual intercourse.
@thatdutchperson: I wish I had the exciting social life my mom must have envisioned when she used to stitch my name into my underwear.
@Mr_Kapowski: Dogs that belong to homeless people must think "just say you're sorry dude and we can sleep inside tonight"