@Ameiam: So, if you get pregnant in Vegas, does the baby have to stay there?
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@Jeffwni: 13yo Jesus: You're not my real dad! I HATE YOU! Joseph: One of these days boy, I'll— [distant thunder] I'll do nothing. Absolutely nothing.
@HeyZeus666: My grandfather said he'd never be caught dead wearing cargo pants, so I slipped the funeral director an extra 50 bucks. And now we wait.
@Naked_Wombat: 9: You like Twitter Dad? Me: Yep 9: I'll join and be your friend. M: Cool, extra math is great! 9: It's a math thing? M: yep 9: nevermind
@sofarrsogud: The worst thing about turning up at the ER drunk at 4am is explaining to the nurse that my 9 year old drove here.