@WilliamRodgers: So I'm Calling random stores & saying "Hey It's Michael, Screw you guys, I quit!".... There's got to be a Michael at one of these places...
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@KyleMcDowell86: *puts dreamcatcher above bed* "Sure hope this works" *wakes up in the middle of the night* *Ryan Gosling is stuck in dreamcatcher* "YES"
@TheMichaelRock: Being a parent to a teenager is basically like being an unpaid, under appreciated Uber driver.
@causticbob: Burglars broke into Kanye West's home. As a result, 500 statues of Kanye West are missing.
@Weird_Rash: List of food it’s okay to eat with your hands: - corn on the cob - chicken wings - ribs - hamburgers - spaghetti at your in-laws