@WilliamRodgers: So I'm Calling random stores & saying "Hey It's Michael, Screw you guys, I quit!".... There's got to be a Michael at one of these places...
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@nettie0918: Fastest way to occupy bored kids is to announce we are going to clean Voila Suddenly they all remember plans they've forgotten Ah quiet
@UrbanDouchebag: I wonder if flies ever think, "I bet I could get this guy to slap himself in the face." Because they'd be right.
@dshack8: "I'll just stagger around yelling random, incoherent shit as people try to keep me from hurting myself." Drunks and 1 year olds.
@tigersgoroooar: Teeth are so weird. Imagine if all of our bones were exposed and we had to brush them.