@iwearaonesie: So important your wife knows you're petting the dog when she hears you say "you're getting a little chunky"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@stevevsninjas: I cried when my dentist told me I needed two implants and a crown because I can finally realize my dream of being a sexy princess.
@DominicStraw: *at funeral* Thank you all for coming. As you already know, my dignity has left us. I tripped in front of all my coworkers. It was tragic.