@onedavedeep: So many Jesus accounts...and not one is verified
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@DirtMcTurd: *Pulls up to drive-thru window* "Extra toilet paper please" Do you mean napkins? "Sure, whatever"
@brendohare: Ants can lift something 50 times their body weight. Wow. That means you can lift a leaf. Cool. I could do that when I was 14. Tiny idiots.
@kelkulus: My girlfriend and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight by breaking up six years ago.