@david8hughes: So my dog's pregnant & she's never been in contact with another dog & I'm having a lot of accusations thrown my way.
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@UnFitz: Bought a shirt in the UK. Care instructions say "iron whilst damp." I still have no idea when to iron that thing.
@pabstdriver: I can usually tell how productive I've been at work, by the battery life of my phone.
@librarianfonz: I literally use figuratively in literally every occasion where I am literally speaking figuratively.
@UnicornSyrup: To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.